Life and Death in the Tongue, Even on the Court!

Have you ever seen that player who just doesn’t seem to give it his or her all. They just don’t seem to have desire. They may seem lazy. They may seem arrogant.

I’ve come across a lot of players that I have played with, played against, and trained that have this characteristic. And I too have tagged them as uncommitted, lazy, arrogant, and “too cool for school.”

But through my experience dealing with and talking with these players, I’ve learned that many times I’ve been wrong. There’s another issue that is crippling these players - “Self Consciousness.”

See, players can look confident. They can appear to even be over-confident. But if they are self-conscious, if they are worried about what others think, if they are concerned and even afraid of looking stupid or foolish, their confidence is only a mask. It’s not that they are lazy; they may even have an outstanding work ethic. But they are so caught up with looking good, that they hold themselves back. I see it all the time. Players that I am training who won’t get out of their comfort zone, are crippled by fear of making mistakes.

Three positives to every negative

Coaches, we need to come to an understanding here. Every leadership book we will ever read says this: For every negative, people must be told three positives. It’s so easy to nail players for their mistakes and call them lazy or stubborn, and there are definitely times for stern correction, but if we really want to get the best out of our athletes we need to understand the importance of stripping them of their self-consciousness! And one way to do this is praise their efforts and find ways to encourage them.

Edify. Edify. Edify. Correct what is wrong, but always praise what is right. As a skill development trainer there are times that I need to get in an athlete’s face, challenge them, humble them, and demand intensity and passion from them. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through this process, it’s this - It’s impossible for anything good to come out of a bad choice of words!

Let me give you an example: I once had a coach who jokingly tagged my teammates with names like “Turnover Terry” and “Bad-hands Brad.” He thought this would challenge them to get better. What happened? Terry turned the ball over. Brad dropped more passes. I’ve seen other coaches who have said to certain players, “You will always make the same stupid mistakes.” Sure enough, those players continued to make the same mistakes, game after game.

Life and death is in the tongue. I don’t care who you are. This is true for NBA players, college All-Americans, and the littlest of kids. Yes, great players do have the ability to generate good from bad. Criticism can be used as fuel and should be. But God simply designed human beings to work best with praise. Think about it. What have others said about you years ago, that still pops in your mind now and then? Words just don’t go away; they are tough to shake. But true encouragement puts a bounce in a player’s step that will last several seasons!